I Did My Best to Show Up

Hey Bean, it's your Dad,

It's night two of this journey together and I  have been giving thought to what I wanted to say most of the say. I probably thought of and discarded a hundred ideas and still not sure I like what I came up with. That's the way it works sometimes though, sometimes the best you can do is show up. I think most parents want to be good parents. I think most of us want to do our best to raise our kids into good people, but just because your a parent doesn't mean you don't have your share of challenges. I know I have my share of challenges and sometimes, despite wishing they didn't, those challenges got the better of me when it comes to being the kind of parent I want to be.

I know you know I love you. I know you think I am a pretty neat person. However, I hope by now you also realize that I am a flawed person. Everyone is flawed, and I'm no different. Sometimes I worry that my flaws outweigh my virtues, but overall, I think I do all right. If there is one area of my life I can point to and say I did more good than bad, it's being your father. I don't expect to ever win a father of the year award, there are better dads out there. I do, however, recognize that I did quite a few things right with you, but I think the most important thing I did was to show up.

When I say I showed up, I mean I was present in your life. I may not have made every single performance, and I may not have always been the most attentive, but I do know I was here for you. I can be grumpy and hard to approach at times, and I know I have a tendency to live in my own little world, but I hope you saw that I made an effort to show up in your life.

I probably could have made more of an effort to teach you how to ride a bike. I probably could have done a bit more with showing you how to do things like fix a car. However, I hope that the things I did do with you, the things I did teach you were enough that you don't doubt I love you. I probably could have done everything I wanted and would still feel a bit like I should have done more. However, we are getting close to that point where I have to let you go out into the world and pray I did a good enough job that you will succeed.

You are going to face your own challenges in life. You have already faced so many of them. Sometimes you will overcome your challenges, sometimes they will set you back. The important thing to remember is that you don't have a chance against any challenge if you don't at least show up. Even when it feels like the world is against you, and it will, even when you feel like you got nothing left to give, and you will, no matter how hard it gets, the one thing you absolutely must be able to do is at least show up.

I have learned a lot of lessons in my life if there is one I hope you take to heart it's this one.

I love you Bean, I know this one is a bit short, but I think it kind of fits the tone of the post. We won't be our best every single day, but that doesn't matter near as much as doing our best to show up.

It's that time of day where I go put away the car and get ready for bed. Thanks for spending a little more of your time with me. We will talk some more tomorrow.

 love you Bean,

Dad