The Best Intentions...

Hey Bean, it's your Dad,

It's day number four of this journey. I am actually getting to this post a bit earlier than usual. I doubt I will write it all in one sitting, I seldom finish anything I write in one sitting when I am putting real effort into it. However, I'm starting now because I have a few moments and I want to make sure that I make time for this project. Right now, it's still pretty easy to do because of the excitement of my "BEST IDEA EVER!" still being pretty strong. I know at some point I will have a day where I don't want to write, I always have those days, most of the time I push through them, but every so often the desire to not do is greater than the desire to do. If I'm honest with myself, my desire to not do happens a lot more often than my desire to do.

It's not that I have a problem with starting things or coming up with really good ideas. No, my biggest problem is seeing an idea through to completion. I've probably started writing at least fifty books and out of all those attempts, I have only finished one. I keep telling myself I will go back to it, polish it up, but I never do. I always have a new, even better idea. Whether it's for a book or a new way to make money, I am always jumping from one idea to the next. I know that has to be frustrating for you at times, and I often wish I was a bit different. I get a bit tired of never seeing an idea through to completion and I have gotten better about it.

I have gotten better at it because I have made a conscious effort to be better about it. I recognized that I don't see things through very well, figured out why I don't and made adjustments to how I approach things. Instead of worrying about making everything the most awesome thing ever, I worry about staying steady with it. I focus on doing the things I need to do every day. If I make sure that I make time every single time for something and I stick to using that time right, I see progress. As I see progress, I am motivated to keep going. As I keep going I see more progress. It's a good cycle for me to be in. I still get knocked out of it to easy, but I am finding my way back to it quicker each time.

When I was growing up I was always told that I had the best intentions but sucked at seeing things through. I was always told how much talent I had and how I was wasting it. I didn't really hear it then but I sure hear it now. I don't regret my life, there isn't a point to it, but I do wonder who I would be if I had been a bit better with follow through. If I had managed to create the discipline to control the passion inside I think I could have accomplished some neat things. I still have done some really neat things in life, I have a very interesting life story compared to most, but doesn't stop me from wondering what if at times.

Unfortunately, you have kind of been on the receiving end of that a few times yourself. I get all excited by an idea, then it kind of peters out. If there is one single thing I would change about how I parented you it would be that I saw more things through. It's not that I don't love you, I do, it's a fault in me somewhere and one I haven't done enough work on. I work on it now, and I hope you see that as time goes on, but for now, the best I have to offer is an apology.

I'm not sure this is the direction I meant this post to go, but it's the direction it went. Not sure why I feel such a need to self reflect while I write to you, but I do. I guess I want you to see how I do it, I want you to gain some value from lessons I have learned. I want you to see me as honestly as anyone can see me. I hope it's not to much for you Bean, I hope that doing this is the right thing.

Guess we will find out, and it was started out with the best intentions...

Love you Bean,

Dad.