Take Care of Yourself...

Hey Bean, it's your Dad,

I'm a very giving person. Some have said that I am too giving because I have been known to give so much I don't have anything left for myself. It's an easy trap to fall into. I was taught very early on that you are supposed to share, I also grew up poor. Growing up poor, truly poor, is something a lot of people in our country, and a lot of people you know, have never had to deal with. However, when you are truly poor, you know what it's like to not have things so many people take for granted. While it sucks in a way, in another it teaches you just how little you really need to survive, you get used to it. When you get used to something you have a hard time believing life can be any other way. I know that while I was growing up I never really believed I could be more than a poor kid. Because of this thinking, I didn't see the use in taking care of myself.

Why bother to do all the things you are supposed to do in order to be successful if you're never going to be successful in the first place?

If you don't believe there is better, then you don't think of things like saving money, putting a snack away for later, or any real form of conservation. If you grow up having access to good things consistently then you get used to having them. Losing those good things can hurt, so you work to avoid losing those good things. When you are poor you don't get good things consistently you get in an immediate gratification mindset. It's kind of ironic actually, the one thing that you shouldn't do when you are poor is the one thing being poor teaches you to do. It's why so many people stay in the cycle of poverty.

If you want to avoid poverty, if you want to avoid that horrible cycle you have to learn to believe in conservation. Not only do you need to believe in conservation but you also need to learn to make it a priority and take care of yourself first. When you have more than other people, you will get asked to share. Sharing is a good thing, but if you share more than you can afford to share you wind up not being able to take care of yourself. If you can't take care of yourself you have to ask other people to take care of you. It creates a cycle and the only way to get out of it is to learn to save for yourself first.

Right now if a friend called me and asked for 100 dollars, I could do that. While we are not the wealthiest family in the world, we are in a position where we almost always have not just enough but a little to spare. However, if the friend asked for 500 dollars I would have a much harder time doing it. Giving someone that kind of money would not only mean giving up some of the spare but also potentially giving up some of what we need. It sucks to be in this position because you always want to help people you care about but there will be times you can't afford to.

You have to learn to say no to people when they ask for help Bean. Not all the time, not even most of the time, but you need to be able to do it when someone wants more than you really have to give. It took me a long time to learn that lesson and I still have problems with it. Growing up poor I know just how bad things can be and I know I can live like that if I have too, but as I have gotten along in life, starting to have things I want to keep, starting to see the benefits of long term planning, I like the idea of living that way less and less.

I know this post has been a bit of a ramble, I was trying out something with my writing. Not sure if I like it or not, but hopefully it all makes  sense to you.

Love you Bean,

Dad